omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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