Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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