His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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