Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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