JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
