i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nicole vs. Life
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
