If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
