Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
