he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
