and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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