how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
