trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
