perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
