You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
