you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
