tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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