I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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