God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
