dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
