please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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