She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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