If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
