can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
