i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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