dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
