just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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