We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
