Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
