So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
