I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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