I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
