Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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