Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
