And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
