The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
