you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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