i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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