Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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