I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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