i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
