I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
