So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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