Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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