I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
