I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
