I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
