I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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