We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
