he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
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