My cat gives me a boner
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
