All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
