You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
