Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
