Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
